Black Phantom Chronicles Card Deck Behind the Scenes Part 3

October 17, 2016



The Enemy of Time and Exhaustion

Although I am quite capable of most aspects of the project I picked, the all too frequent lack of motivation or procrastination, often spurred by intimidation, is a large pace slower. It is likely a common problem, but I find myself, many a time, simply taking out all my paints, brushes, papers, and so forth, only to stare at the blank paper, dreaming of what it will look like, what it looks like in my mind, and fearing how my hands will not, cannot turn that imagination into reality.

Under those circumstances, I eventually turn to image hunting, searching for anything, anything that will bring my imagination into clearer focus. Usually, after what seems like hours of searching, I still find nothing, and am forced to pick up the courage and work without any assistance, or come back later when I can find my courage. Sometimes, only pressure brings the courage. When I know I just need to complete it and I cannot wait any longer, I just force myself to stop fretting over the outcome, do the best I can, and hang the grandiose dreams.

I have already said Lisya was the worst as far as this dilemma goes. Some of the others, I did in the midst of inspiration, and inspiration is like wings. With inspiration, an image can be so strong in my mind that it pulls me into the world of the painting itself. I might be building color slowly, but it is almost as if I am tracing over lines only I can see, and reforming them in mediums that others may also see.

Therefore, I guess it is a question of how I find that inspiration. I have heard that listening to music can bring that inspiration. Certainly, I have found it true on occasion, when a piece of music pricks me in a certain way, but I must admit that most of my inspiration comes through reading. An emotion captured in some text mentally flashes into a solid picture and if I move quickly, while that image holds some portion of my mind, I can turn it from the fog of imagination, into reality. It is when time has faded that mental image into the back mists of the imagination that the trouble and the fear begin, and time, with all its demands of work, homework, family time, meals, etc. etc. etc. is a very real opponent.

I have yet to discover how to best it, outside of staying up very late, when everyone else has gone to bed, but by then, exhaustion becomes the new enemy. Let me just say, I win some days, they win others and I simply must plod onward regardless, and plod on, ever forward, I will. As Jules Verne once appropriately wrote, “Forward, to the center of the Earth!”